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Yasss gurl, we stan a confident queen! That felt really weird for a 57 year-old man to say, but my daughter just taught me that phrase. While I’ve no clue what it means, it is true though, that nothing’s better than confidence.

Someone may have called you sassy with a sneer but guess what – the Oxford dictionary defines sassy as “lively, bold, cheeky, and full of spirit”. All positives here? As long as you aren’t being mean and calling it “sassy”, that is.

A bold, sassy spirit is great. But you know what’s even better? If you’re a bold, sassy spirit, with plenty of sassy puns ready! That’s why we’ve got this collection of sassy puns for you. Just slayed? Drop a pun. Just slayed again? Drop another pun!

Don’t be shy. Be unapologetic about what you’re passionate for – especially if they’re corny puns and jokes. That way you can girlboss, while still lightening up the mood with some casual funnies. So read on, babes, read on…

Sassy Puns

Sass-quatch– A witty abominable snowman.
Sass-squash– A fabulous abominable pumpkin living in the mountains.
S-assy– A donkey that goes “Gurrrrllll…”
Sass-afrass– A cheeky yet sweet plant.
Sass-sault – Being attacked with sassiness.
Sass-parilla– A sassy cowgirl’s favourite beverage.
Sass-thma– Fabulously out of breath.
Sass-tenance (Sustenance)– What sassy queens need to stay alive.
Sass-tsuma – A fabulously witty orange.
Sass-age – A sassy sausage.
Sass-paragus – Veggies that’ll tell you they don’t like you as much as you don’t like them.
Sass-shimi– Sushi for sassy people.
Sass-katoon– City for sassy people.
Sass-katchewan– Where the sassy Canadians are at.
Sass-picious– When that one chick’s getting a little too loud and too close to you for your liking.
Sass-assins– Girls who literally SLAY.
A-sass-ination– Kill ’em with sass.
Sass-pense (Suspense)– That small moment of anticipation before you deliver your sassiest punchline.
Sass-cess (Excess)– Overabundance of sassiness.
Sass-ume– When you make a SASS out of U and ME.
Sass-embly– A really sassy gathering.
Sass-pool – Swimming pool full of sassy people.
Sass-istant– Your fabulous partner in crime.
Sass-tittude – When you got sass and attitude.
Re-sass-itate (Rescucitate)– When you try reviving your girl friend after she almost died.
Flying Sass-er– A really sassy alien in an Unidentified Flying Object.
Sazz – Sassy jazz.
Sass-a-phonist – Sax player with an attitude.
Smart Sass – Sassy smart ass.
Sass-pense – Anxiously waiting for someone’s sassy response.
Sass-ism – Discrimination against sassy people.
Sass-ology – The study sassy people’s sexual behaviour.
Sass-tuplets – Sassy twins.
Wa-sass-bi– Spicy and sassy accompaniment to sushi.

Sassy Related Puns

Sassy Animal Puns

My hot body gives me the best worm (warm) hugs.
I’ve cat everything I need without mew.
Doggo (Don’t go) chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers you’re woofed to.
I ain’t go not time for that shih (tzu).
Messy hare, don’t care.
I’ll sow you how piggin’ great I am.
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Sit down or I’ll platy-put you in your place.
No fox given.
I’m not emused.
You talkin’ smack? Toucan play that game.
You’re a dino-mite gal!
Too clam to give a damn.
I’m narwhally (not really) in the mood to argue with your stupidity.
Don’t like it? Cocka-Tiel with it.

Sassy Fruit And Vegetable Puns

Peach, please.
Avoca-duh!
If I were a fruit, I’d be a fine-apple.
I’m berry fabulous!
I’m one in a melon.
She’s beauty and she’s grapes, she’ll (fruit) punch you in the face.
Stay away, you’re kiwiing my vibes.
Lime just doing me.
I’m alone but never melonely.
Orange you wishing you were me?
I’m a cabbage (savage)!
I yam what I am.
Not pear-fect, but at least I’m not you.
I keep my pear (hair) down, but attitude up.
I don’t carrot ’bout what you think, I stay grounded.
Corn-fidence is key.

Sassy Baked Dessert Puns

Donut even test me, sweetie.
You butter back off.
Anything you can do, I can do butter.
Sit down, be crumble.
Get your crumby hands off of me!
Like a pretzel, I can be knotty and salty or soft and sweet.
Bagels (Big girls) don’t cry.
My smile might be fake, but not my cake.
Looks sour, but am a sweet tart.
Pie am who I am, bake it or leave it.
Pie look good and I’m filling great!
I’m bread and boujee.
My mama baked this bun to perfection.
Caramel (Karma) will serve you what you deserve.
I’m a tough cookie!
Y’all ain’t got muffin on me!

Sassy Jokes

Q: Why are odd numbers so sassy?
A: Because they can’t even….

Q: Why did the sarcastic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other snide.

Q: What’s the most sarcastic body of water on earth?
A: O’ Crimea River.

Q: What do you call a witty person covered in Tabasco?
A: Hot sass.

Q: What do you call a sarcastic quadrupedal medical professional?
A: Dog, duh.

Q: What don’t old men like too much condiments on their hotdogs?
A: They don’t like it too saucy.

Q: Did you know sass and sarcasm isn’t very professional?
A: Wow, really?

Stop thinking you’re stupid. I mean you are but stop thinking about it.
I identify as a sarcastic. My pronouns are hardy/har.
An apple a day keeps anyone away…if you throw it hard enough.
You’d think that “Common Sense” would be more, well, common?
When I die, I’d like to be cremated; it’s the last time I’ll ever get to show off my smoking hot body.
I don’t need to take constructive criticism, only cash or credit.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in your haters’ eyes.
It’s okay if you don’t laugh at my jokes, I laugh at them plenty enough for the both of us.
Don’t worry honey, you’re not boring. I’m just more extravagantly interesting than you.
Looks aren’t everything, but I still have them…you know, just in case.
They said money can’t buy happiness, but I’m sure you wish you were crying in my Mercedes instead of crying on your bike.
I asked my wife “on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate yourself?” And in a sassy tone, she said “11”. I told her “Must be a pH scale cause you’re basic as hell.”
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road. They weren’t talking to each other because they were cold from an argument. As they passed a particularly foresty stretch, they spotted some monkeys in the trees. “Relatives of yours?” asked Mark sarcastically.
“Yes,” his replied. “They’re my in-laws.”
When Gandhi was studying law in London, a white professor, whose last name was Smith, disliked him intensely and always treated him roughly. There were always “arguments” and confrontations.
One day, Mr Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, don’t you get it? A pig and a bird cannot sit together to eat.” Gandhi looked at him calmly and said, “Don’t worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.

Mr.Smith, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr. Smith, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found two packages, a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”

Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.”

Mr. Smith, smiling smugly said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”

Gandhi shrugged nonchalantly and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”

Mr. Smith, by this time, was set on getting even. He was so angry, that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk. He already knew his next move.

A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in gracious but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr. Smith, you signed the sheet, but you forgot to give me the grade.”