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Did you know, that nurses walk around four to five miles in a twelve hour shift? Most people only walk an average of 3 miles a day – unless they walk marathons in their sleep too.

Nursing is also one of the oldest professions, with records of nurses dating back to 300 A.D. in the Roman Empire’s city hospitals. Nursing as a profession then became more common in the middle ages in 500 A.D. where plagues, famine, wars, and sicknesses like tuberculosis were frequent.

When it comes to nurse puns, you’re in for a healthy dose of humor! Nurses work long shifts, give countless shots, and handle patients with care, but they also know how to inject a little fun into their day. After all, laughter really is the best medicine! Whether they’re bandaging up a bad day or taking a pulse on your sense of humor, nurses always find ways to keep things light. But don’t be alarmed if these puns make your heart race – no need for CPR, it’s all just in good fun.

From “IV” league puns to jokes that are a inject a dose of joy, this collection is guaranteed to have you laughing your scrubs off. You’ll get to experience a thermometer-ic rise in joy, and if you think these puns are “painful,” remember that nurse humor can handle any patient person! Just make sure to keep things in check; we don’t want you needing stitches from laughing too hard. So sit back, relax, and let’s scrub in for a round of nurse puns that’ll make you feel wheelchair-y good!

Nurse Puns

Nurse-issist – A really self-absorbed nurse.
Nurse-colepsy – A nurse’s sleepy sickness.
Nurth – What the N means on a nurse’s compass.
Nurth – Someone with a swollen tongue calling for a nurse.
Middle Nur-th – Where hobbit nurses live.
Nurse Mythology – Norwegian folklore about nurses.
A-nurse– Scientific name for a nurse’s butthole.
Asparag-nurse – A nurse’s favourite vegetable.
Ve-nurse–Thesecond planet in the solar system to help a doctor.
Ura-nurse– The 7th planet in the solar system to help a doctor.
Loch-nurse Monster – A mythical Scottish creature, also can be called a Nursie.
Ag-nurse-tic–Nurses who don’t believe in god.
Mi-nurse – Subtraction for nurses.
Mi-nurse Injury–Just a small injury.
Gover-nurse – A nurse who is capable of helping a doctor and running a town.
First Class Ho-nurse – The highest honours degree a nurse can achieve.
BuerreNursette – A French brown butter sauce that nurses like.
Jo-nurse Brothers – Brothers who work at a hospital making music and helping people.
Part-nurse In Crime – Two nurses in the same shift.
Nurse (Worse)– For better or nurse.
Nurse (No) – Nurse guts, nurse glory.

Nurse Related Puns

Nurse puns are the perfect prescription for a good laugh! Whether you’re feeling syringe-sitive or need a shot of humor, these jokes will have you cracking up faster than a nurse can check your vitals. Nurses might take care of patients, but they’re also skilled in healing your sense of humor. From jokes about IVs (“I’m drip-ping with excitement!”) to patient one-liners (“Are you feeling IV-ented today?”), there’s no shortage of punny material. And let’s not forget their favorite phrase, “Needle little laughter in your day?” It’s clear nurses have a real heart for humor, with a pulse on what makes you giggle. These puns are sure to make your spirits rise faster than a thermometer. So if you’re feeling bedside yourself, just remember: nurse puns always keep you in stitches – and no, you won’t need any medical attention!

The nurse had to catch the flu patient’s nose because it was running.
In the cli-nick of time.
All brains and no brawn.
Take it with a brain of salt.
Books are brain food.
The nurse was called to work overtime. He said “Aw shift”.
Come brain or shine.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine but CAT-scan.
Acupuncture. What’s the point?
Good nurses have great intuition. You could say they pill it in their bones.
Nurses help you pill good.
It’s going tibia-kay.
I hope you find this humerus.
The earth asked the nurse for help when it broke its o-bone layer.
When you get a bladder infection, ur-ine trouble.
Are you kidney-ing me?
There is a vas deferens between male and female anatomy.
The nurse wrapped my arm with more bandages than necessary just be-gauze she could.
The nurse gave the snake some asp-irin for his pain.
The funny nurse was also an aspirin’ stand-up comedian.
Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.
It takes some guts to be an organ donor.
The organist brought his instrument to the hospital. He wanted to be an organ donor.
The two respiratory ward nurses be-lung together.
If you steal someone’s heart, do you get cardiac arrested?
When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell.
PMS jokes aren’t funny—period.
Trust chiropractic nurses, they’ve got your back!
The nurse gave the beekeeper some antihistamines for her hives.
A little joke when you’re sick never hurt antibody.
Make like blood and B positive.
Eye doctors and nurses live very long because they dilate.

Nurse Jokes

Nurse jokes are just what the doctor ordered for a healthy laugh! Nurses spend their days dealing with patients, but they’ve got an injection of humor ready to go. Whether it’s telling a patient to “take two jokes and call me in the morning” or checking a chart and saying, “I think we’re going to need some serious laughter therapy,” nurses know how to keep things light in the clinic. Ever heard the one about the nurse who lost her patience? She found him later taking a stroll in the garden! Or the nurse who gave a bandage but wasn’t sure if it would stick? From scrubbing in to delivering critical condition one-liners, nurse jokes are perfect for making even the grumpiest patients crack a smile. If you’re in a code blue mood, a good nurse joke will definitely give you CPR (Crazy Pun Relief) to resuscitate your spirit – just don’t be surprised if they leave you in stitches!

Q: Do you know why that man sent the nurse an X-ray of his entire chest?
A: He wanted to tell her that his heart was indeed in the right place.

Q: Do you know why that nurse joined HIPPA?
A: I would tell you, but I don’t want to take the accountability.

Q: How do nurses give medical treatment to a sick pig?
A: With oinkment.

Q: How do nurses cure a sick bird?
A: With tweet-ment.

Q: How was the invisible man cured?
A: The nurse took him to the ICU.

Q: Why was the nurse so nervous?
A: Because it was his first shot in the hospital.

Q: Why are nurses afraid of the outdoors?
A: Too much poison IV.

Q: What do transplant nurses hate?
A: Rejection.

Q: How was the nurse’s advice on Q-tips received?
A: It went inside one ear and out of the other.

Q: How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?
A: She won’t stop needling people.

Q: Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
A: Their circadian rhythm is generally off.

Q: Why shouldn’t you upset a pediatric nurse?
A: Because they have very little patients.

Q: How many nursing school students does it take to fit a screw on the wall?
A: None, as students of nursing cannot put nails on anyone.

The girl pop group TLC kept violating hospital dress codes because they don’t want no scrubs.
Whose jar of pee is this? It’s not MY-INE, it must be UR-INE!
A coin was feeling funny after the nurse gave her some antibiotics. Turns out it’s because it was given penny-silly-in.
The nurse was shocked when a fish came into the operation room. He was the sturgeon.
The nurse was wondering why her patient had adverse reactions to some flowers after she gave the prescribed medication. It’s because she was giving her patient anti-his-stamens.
The nurse kept the little boy with scoliosis in company by playing a game of eye spine.
Laughter is the best medicine—except when it comes to treating diarrhoea.
You should always be kind to nurses. Remember they choose your catheter size.
Did you hear about the hospital who ran out of maternity nurses? They had a mid-wife crisis.
What did the forgetful nurse say? I have a joke on amnesia, but I forget how it goes.
Did you read about the night nurse who was squashed by a load of books? The only person she could blame was hershelf.
Heard about the man who cut his fingers using an electric saw? When a nurse asked about the cut-off fingers, the man said, “I don’t have the fingers to pick them up.”
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the nurse asks. “No! It’s her husband!”
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum and coke!” The anti-vaxver says, “No shots for me.”
Nurse to doctor: There’s a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him.
Patient: Nurse, help me, I’ve got all these vegetables stuck to me!
Nurse: That’s because you aren’t eating right.
Nurse: We’re just about to deliver the baby, you’re gonna be a dad real soon!
First-time dad: Okay, but please…I’d like my baby to keep its liver.
Patient: Will I be able to play the piano after this operation?
Nurse: Sure! Of course!”
Patient: That’s awesome because I couldn’t before!
There was a major complication at the hospital today with the new Roman nurse we hired. She gave the IV of meds wo the wrong patient – the one in bed 4.
As a doctor with years of experience, I like to be supportive when new nurses come in to help me. I always tell them, “Good jab!”
My friend’s a nurse who had just returned from a vacation. She was telling me about this guy who fainted at the airport. I guess you could say he had terminal illness.
A patient arrived at the ER via an ambulance with minor burns on his legs. His shoes and the bottoms of his jeans are charred. The doctor asks what happened, and the patient says he was trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard, and things go out of hand. The doctor noted his breath reeked of alcohol and asked him if he had been drinking. The patient adamantly says no. The doctor couldn’t resist a setup like this and looked the man directly in the eye and said, “liar, liar, pants on fire.” Everyone had a good laugh, except the patient, who was so drunk it went over his head.

As we wrap up this round of nurse puns and jokes, remember that laughter is the ultimate booster shot! Whether it’s a clever IV pun or a joke that has you in stitches, nurses know how to keep the humor flowing. They deal with tough situations, but their wit is always on call. So the next time you need a good laugh, just remember: nurse puns are always in good condition – and they’ll never leave you feeling flat-lined. Stay punny, stay positive, and don’t be afraid to prescribe yourself a daily dose of nurse humor!