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Welcome, ghouls and gals, to a fang-tastic journey into the night! Tonight, we’re sinking our teeth into the dark and delightful world of vampire puns. Whether you’re here for a good laugh or just to vamp up your pun game, you’ve come to the right place.

Now, don’t get batty – these puns won’t leave you in the dark! We’re here to shed some light on the eerie side of humor, where every joke has a little bite. You see, vampires are notorious for their killer wit; they always know how to turn a phrase, even if they can’t see their reflection in the mirror. So, let’s raise our glasses of blood orange juice and toast to the spookiest puns this side of Transylvania!

Are you afraid these jokes might “suck”? Don’t be coffin up any worries! We’ve got a graveyard full of giggles that’ll have you howling at the moon. And trust me, no need to fear; these puns are perfectly harmless, even if they do like to stay up all night.

But beware, once you start reading, you might find these puns creeping into your everyday conversations. They’re like vampires themselves – hard to resist and impossible to shake off. So, before you know it, you’ll be biting into these jokes like a creature of the night!

So, grab your garlic, sharpen your wit, and get ready for a shrilling ride. Just remember, vampire puns do not suck. They’re fang-tastic and they’ll leave you coffin with laughter. I mean you could just go on and on with vampire puns you won’t know what’s coming up necks. So here are vampire puns galore that will drive you batty with delight!

Vampire Puns

Vamp-fire – Vampire version of campfire … minus the fire.
Vamp-pire – Vampire’s area of control.
Van-pire – Van for vampires.
Vain-pire – Not a humble vampire.
Vampurr – Kitty vampire.
Re-vamp – Vampire makeover.
Vamp-dal – Like a vandal except he sucks blood.
Vamp-nilla – Vampires favorite ice cream flavor
Vamp-na-dium – Vampire metalic element. (Look up Vanadium)
Vamp Chart – A diagram using circles to illustrate relationship between stuff in the vampire world.
Vamp-ding machine – Where vampires go to to get candy.
Vampire State Building – tall building in Transylvania.
Vamp-detta – When a vampire keeps a grudge.
Vamp-tricals – Parts of a vampire’s heart.
Vamp-troloquist – Vampire who throws his voice.
Vamp-tilator – Machine used to help vampires breathe.
Hyper-vamp-tilate – What happens when a vampire gets a shock and cannot breathe.
Vamp-nom – Poison from a vampires bite.
Vamp-nezuela – Favorite South American country for vampire vacations.
Vampires are really ad-vamp-turous creatures.
Vampires try to stay well groomed because they’re known for their vamp-nity.
A stake through the heart and Dracula was vamp-quished!
As the sun rose, Dracula quickly vamp-moosed!
He must be a vampire… I mean… he just vam-ished into thin air!
Dracula must surely be the vamp-guard (vanguard) of blood sucking characters.
The vampire conference was held at a huge vamp-nue.
Vampires are particularly fond of the vamp-dyke styled beard.

Vampire Related Puns

As the fog rolls in and the full moon rises, it’s time to step into the eerie realm where vampire puns lurk in the shadows. Imagine strolling through a haunted forest, where every rustle in the leaves is just another pun waiting to jump out and give you a fright! But fear not – these puns won’t bite… too hard.

In the dead of night, vampires aren’t the only things to worry about. There are also the groan-inducing puns they carry with them, hidden in their cloaks like ancient relics. Don’t be surprised if you hear a vampire joke that’s fang-tastically bad – it’s part of their charm! They might tell you that their love life is in a bit of a “cryptic” phase, or that they’re not big fans of “stakes” in their meals.

And let’s not forget about their favorite kind of music – “crypt hop” and “goth rock,” of course. So, if you’re ever in a dark castle and you hear a joke about a vampire’s favorite snack being “blood pudding,” just remember: it’s all in good fun…or should I say, “ghoul” fun?. Anyway, ready to bite into more vampire related puns?

Neck-tarines – vampires favorite fruit.
Bat-teries – what vampires use to power their gadgets.
Stake – what always seems to be a vampire’s last meal.
Coffin – when a vampire feels ill or if he smokes too much.
Pain in the neck – when a vampire bites you.
Fang Club – society for people who admire a vampire.
Scream of mushroom – vampire’s favorite soup.
Blood thirsty – when a vampires need to drink
Bad blood – when a vampire accidentally bites a zombie.
Blood bank – where vampires store blood for a rainy day.
Fang You Very Much – what a vampire says to show his appreciation.
Fangs For The Memories – a vampire’s favorite nostalgic Bob Hope song.
Bat breath – what vampires get when they don’t brush their teeth after sucking blood.
Necks of kin – when a vampire sucks the blood of a family.
Bloodweiser – vampire’s favorite drink at the bar.
Blood vessel – what vampires ride to cross the sea.
Blood orange – a vampire’s favorite fruit.
B positive – the blood type that cheers up a vampire.
Sucker – a vampire who’s easy to fool.
A lady named Mary was bitten by a vampire. She became a Bloody Mary.
Vampires always seem to have a busy schedule. They’re way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Vampires don’t bother looking for a job because they know they suck at almost everything,
Vampires look sickly because they’re pale, blood-shot… and they’re always coffin.
Vampires make lousy drivers – they never check their mirrors.
There’s this vampire who’s more powerful than any other, because he can’t be hurt by the sun All other vampires pale in comparison.
Vampires avoid Taylor Swift because word has it that she has bad blood.
The vampire association is always recruiting new members because they need new blood.
The vampire actor was picky. He only takes on roles he can sink his teeth into.
French vampires can only be killed if you stab them with a baguette. Terribly pain-staking if you ask me.
Vampires eating at a restaurant never order a stake sandwich.
The young vampire who couldn’t get any dates said “It totally sucks to be me!”
Vampires don’t like deep sea fishing – they prefer fishing in the blood stream.
A vampires once tried to cheer me up. He said we all feel a little drained now and then.
I wasn’t invited to the vampire party. I hope it sucks.
A Vampire broke up with his girlfriend. A blood test showed she wasn’t his blood type.
On reflection, vampires aren’t actually that scary.
When vampires look in the mirror, they can’t see anything wrong with themselves.
Vampires are bad at business because they just can’t deal with the stake-holders.
Ideas can kill a vampire – they don’t see it coming and then it dawns on them!
When the last vampire was killed, they played the song “The Final Count Down“
A vampire ate all the food at the dinner table – he was then named Vampire The Buffet Slayer.
A french vampire who loved looking at cute chicks was nick-named “Drac-ooh-la-la!”
Vampires are not real… unless you Count Dracula.
Vegan vampires can’t take any risks – one stake could kill him.
A vampire lost his coffin – it was a grave situation.
Vampires seem to always live on dead end streets.
Gave a vampire a stake and now he’s…well…done.
Two vampires feel in love – it was love at first bite.
The reason vampires suck … it’s in their blood.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
I know a couple of vampire puns. But they all suck.
Did you hear about a couple of vampires who were charged in court on two counts of stealing?

Vampire Jokes

Ready to sink your teeth into some hilariously corny vampire jokes? These jokes are so bad, they’ll have you screaming… with laughter, that is! Picture this: a vampire walks into a bar and orders a Bloody Mary, but when the bartender asks if they want it rare, medium, or well done, they just flash a toothy grin and say, “Just keep it fresh.” Vampires have a knack for finding humor in the darkest places, like when they get a little too “vein” about their looks or complain that they can’t find a good dentist who works nights.

Ever wonder what vampires do on their days off? Well, they love to “catch up on their coffin” and play “batminton.” And when they’re feeling a bit peckish, they head to the “blood bank” to make a withdrawal. If a vampire tells you their favorite holiday is “Fangsgiving,” don’t be surprised – after all, it’s the perfect time to give thanks for all the “bites” they’ve enjoyed over the centuries.

These jokes are like a vampire’s sense of style – timeless and always in good taste… as long as you have a taste for the spooky and absurd. So, whether you’re a die-hard fan or just here for the “boo-tiful” laughs, remember: vampires might be undead, but their jokes are to die for! Here are a collection of vampire puns that suck.

Q: What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
A: Bat boy!

Q: What do you say to a vampire who doesn’t want to believe the truth?
A: Wake up and smell the coffin!

Q: Why was there a wrong figure in the vampire census?
A; They forgot to Count Dracula.

Q: What type of eggs do vampires dislike?
A: Sunny side up.

Q: Why do vampires like to dress up?
A: They’re so vein.

Q: How do you beat a vampire at poker?
A: You raise the stakes.

Q: Why are vampires unpopular?
A: They’re a pain in the neck.

Q: Why are vampires unpopular?
A: They a pain in the neck AND they SUCK!

Q: What ice cream flavor do vampires like the most?
A: Vein-nilla

Q: Why aren’t vampires allowed to work for Uber or Lyft?
A: They drive everyone batty.

Q: What did the woman say when she escaped from a vampire?
A: Better luck necks time.

Q: Why do vampires stay away from wells?
A: They are repelled by holey water.

Q: Why did the vampire killer so adamant on killing Count Dracula?
A: He staked his whole reputation on it.

Q: What did the vampire say when he sank his teeth into her neck?
A: This really sucks.

Q: What happens when you blow smoke into a vampire’s face?
A: He starts coffin.

Q: What do you call a vampire construction worker?
A: Ready neck.

Q: Why do vampires have such a bad reputation?
A: They’re such a pain in the neck.

Q: Where do vampires workers have their meal?
A: At the casket-teria.

Q: Why do vampires make lousy artists?
A: They only know how to draw blood.

Q: What does a polite vampire do when told he has ugly teeth?
A: He smiles and bare it.

Q: Why do vampires suck blood?
A: Because coffee keeps them awake.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and Dracula?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What did the lion say to the vampire?
A: You have fang-tastic teeth!

Q: What do vampires re-charge?
A: They take a coffin break.

Q: What type of music does Dracula like?
A: Count-try music.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite dog breed?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
A: Love at first byte.

Q: Why did the vampire lose interest in poetry?
A: He went from bat to verse.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A: Bloody Mary

Q: Where do vampires save their money?
A: At the blood bank.

Q: Why did the vampires torture his victims with classical music?
A: His Bach was worse than his bite.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
A: Fangs-giving.

Q: What’s a vampire’s least favorite song?
A: Another one bites the dust.

Q: What do you call a foolish vampire?
A: Silly sucker.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They come out at night.

Q: Who won the game for the vampire soccer team?
A: The ghoulscorer

Q: What Spanish dance do vampires like?
A: The Fang-dango.

Q: What do vampires need to pass to qualify as senior vampire?
A: Blood test.

Q: Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
A: He had loved in vein.

Q: Did you hear about the vampire who died of blood poisoning?
A: He died in vein.

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A: A Midsummer Bite’s Dream

Q: What do you call a duck with fangs?
A: Quackulla

Q: What do you call a vampire that quacks?
A: Count Quackulla

Q: What did Dracula become when he joined the communist party?
A: A red blood count.

Q: What do you call a vampire criminal?
A: Fangster

Q: Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
A: He just had to grin and bare it.

Q: What do you call a vampire in a car?
A: A blood drive

Q: What do you call a vampire who works in finance?
A: A-count-ant.

Q: What is a vampire’s girlfriend called?
A: Ghoul friend.

Q: What kind of restaurants do vampires avoid?
A: Stake houses.

Q: What do vampires do when they cannot fall asleep?
A: They Count Draculas.

Q: What did the vampire say when he nuzzled his girlfriend’s bosom?
A: Fangs for the memories.

Q: What is a deadly meal for vampires>
A: Stake and eggs (sunny side up)

As the night draws to a close and the bats return to their roosts, it’s time to bid farewell to our little parade of vampire puns and jokes. We hope these undead delights have put a smile on your face and perhaps even given you a “stake” in the world of spooky humor. Remember, just like vampires themselves, these jokes are immortal – they’ll keep rising from the crypt to tickle your funny bone whenever you need a dose of ghoulish giggles.

But don’t be sad that it’s over – think of it as just another chapter in your creepy comedy book. Who knows, maybe next time we’ll dive into the world of werewolf wordplay or ghostly gags. For now, keep these vampire puns close to your heart, but not too close – after all, you wouldn’t want to attract any unwelcome bites!

And before we go, here’s one last joke to send shivers down your spine:

Why do vampires make terrible roommates?
Because they always “coffin” up excuses for not paying the rent!

Until next time, sleep tight – don’t let the vampires bite!